Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
