Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
