just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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