I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
