hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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