Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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