I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
