She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think people are normalizing furries
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
