I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
