Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
