she woke up with a sticky ear
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
