When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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