his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
