I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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