I cockslap morals
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
