my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
