the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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