If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
