One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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