Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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