What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
