While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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