I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
