I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The power of my boobs compel you
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
