I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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