thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
