I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
