all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
