If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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