just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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