STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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