Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
