why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
