ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
