remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
