My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
