So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
