this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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