I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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