You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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