I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
