I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
