So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
