Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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