Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
