come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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