i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
