My balls are so social today.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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