We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
