Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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