oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
