I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
