you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
