So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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