It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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