This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
