It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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