I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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