I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
