Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
