I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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