You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
