I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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