Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
