I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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