i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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