I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
