God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
