It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
